By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
