i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
