so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
