Soap is not a condiment
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
