i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
