A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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