If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
