He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had sex on a roof
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
