I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So apparently I’m into choking now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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