I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
