even my farts smell like vagina
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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