Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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