I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
