Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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