So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
