Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
