'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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