In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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