Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
