so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
