I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
