there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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