oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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