i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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