And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
