I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
