What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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