Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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