I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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