and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
