Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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