Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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