I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
