There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
