Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woke up backwards on a recliner
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
