I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My bed smells like the plague
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
