Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
