It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
