Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
