Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
