i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
