You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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