Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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