This is not my ceiling
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
