I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
