whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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