I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
