well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
