So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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