I think I am morally bankrupt
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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