I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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