Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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