just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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