also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
