Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
