too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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