kristin has been a bad kristin
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize