He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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