fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she told me i tasted like america
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
