Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
