nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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